Any teen can experience dating violence regardless of how they identify. Boys, girls, trans and nonbinary students of all races experience dating violence regardless of the neighborhoods they live, how much money their parents make, or how good of a student they are.

However, teen girls, Black, indigenous, and teens of color, as well as LGBTQ+ teens are at a higher risk to experience dating violence. Teens who experience this type of violence are more likely to experience other negative outcomes such as depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts, lying and theft, bullying, eating disorders, using substances, and are more likely to have other domestic violence relationships later in life.

Teens experience violence much like adults do, sometimes it just looks a little different. For teens, frequently abusive behavior happens at school or in online spaces so it may be difficult for adults to notice or pick up that it’s happening.

Teens experience verbal and emotional abuse such as:

Threats	Put downs
Isolation	Manipulation
Jealousy	Possessiveness
Shaming	Name Calling
Pressuring partner to be out or closeted	Humiliating
Obsession	Love bombing
Intimidating	Using privilege

Teens experience economic abuse as well. Many teens don’t have as much access to money, this looks a little different in teens:

• Interrupting study time
• Insisting a partner buy something for the other teen or they will break up with them
• If a student does work, a partner shows up at their job and hangs out, tries to get them fired, or says the partner must check in throughout their shift
• Damaging or destroying items needed for school; papers or projects, homework, instruments, athletic uniforms, dance shoes, etc.

Teens experience sexual abuse such as:

• Unwanted comments about their body (including seemingly positive ones)
• Sharing intimate photos/videos without permission
• Pressuring them into sexual contact or acts they aren’t comfortable with.
• Not getting consent

Teens experience physical abuse such as:

• Hitting/ Kicking
• Pinching or biting
• Punching
• Spitting
• Restraining
• Choking/strangulation

If you are wondering if you are in an abusive relationship or if a friend has confided they are having that experience, it is important to know it is never someone’s fault if they are in an abusive relationship. People don’t go out looking for abusive relationships and it’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if someone is going to cause harm.

In abusive relationships there are a lot of complicated feelings, including love. This makes it difficult when someone is trying to determine if their relationship is abusive. Talk to a safe adult you trust and who believes what you are telling them. There is support out there for you and the teens in your life.

There are many resources both local and national you can seek out for support and information around this topic:

• Call or text Willow’s 24/7 hotline to talk to a confidential advocate at 585-222-7233
• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 24/7 (Call) 866-331-9474 (Text ‘LOVEIS’) 22522
• Learn more about signs and healthy relationships at Loveisrespect.org
• Make a safety plan
• Rochester’s Center for Youth hotline 585-271-7670

Further Reading for Teens

• Does Your Partner Respect Your No?
• Can I Kiss you?

Further Reading for Adults

• Teen Dating Abuse Warning Signs
• Talking to Your Teen About Dating and Sex
• What to Do If Your Teen or Adult Child is Abusive