Safety Planning

• Trust your instincts — if you sense danger, prioritize getting to safety quickly.
• Open a savings account in your own name to start to establish or increase your independence if possible.
• Have a packed bag ready and keep it in a secret place that is easy to reach.
• Include:
• Copies of important documents (IDs, birth certificates, SS cards, passports, financial records, court orders).
• Keys (house, car, work, etc.).
• Cash, debit/credit cards, and any medications.
• A prepaid phone or safe phone charger.
• A few changes of clothing for yourself and children.
• Comfort items for children (toy, blanket).
• Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents and extra clothes with someone you trust.
• Keep close or memorize critical phone numbers (trusted friends, hotlines, attorney, shelter).
• Identify safe exits in your home (doors, windows) and rehearse leaving quickly.
• Teach children how to dial 911 and a code word to signal danger.

• Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows
• Inform neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see your partner near your home
• Change your phone number
• If you are able, save all messages with threats

• Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them
• Give them a code word
• Teach them not to get into the middle of a fight
• Inform your children’s school, day care, etc., about who has permission to pick up your children, give them a picture of the abuser if possible

Build a Support Network

• Identify safe people (friends, family, advocates, mentors, faith leaders) you can call when you’re struggling emotionally.
• Line up professional supports — therapists, domestic violence counselors, or support group facilitators.
• Join a support group (in-person or online, through safe accounts/devices) to connect with others who understand.
• Plan code words/signals with trusted allies if you need them to check in or provide emotional cover.

Self-Soothing & Coping Tools

• Create a grounding kit (items that help you feel safe — calming music, journal, photos, affirmations, aromatherapy, a stress ball).
• Practice grounding techniques for moments of panic or fear (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation).
• Write down encouraging statements you can read when self-doubt creeps in (“I deserve safety,” “The abuse is not my fault”).
• Develop rituals of safety like lighting a candle, prayer/meditation, or a simple routine that helps restore calm.

Plan for Difficult Moments

• Anticipate triggers (certain phrases, places, or situations) and list coping responses ahead of time.
• Create distraction strategies — reading, calling a friend, walking, or watching something lighthearted.
• Have a “comfort contact” (someone who agrees to answer your call/text at any time when you feel overwhelmed).
• Use Willow Hotline not only for danger but also for emotional support — 24/7 hotline: (585) 222-SAFE (7233)

Empowerment & Identity

• Set small goals each week that remind you of your strength and independence (like learning a new skill or resuming a hobby).
• Affirm your worth daily — keep a list of qualities you value about yourself.
• Reconnect with safe, positive activities you once enjoyed but may have stopped due to the abuse.
• Celebrate progress, even if it feels small — every step toward healing is meaningful.

Children & Emotional Safety

• If children are involved, help them identify trusted adults they can talk to.
• Teach them simple calming techniques (deep breathing, drawing, naming feelings).
• Reassure them: “The abuse is not your fault.”

• Identification
• Social security cards
• Birth certificates
• Children’s birth certificates
• Money
• Medications
• Keys
• Marriage license
• Checkbook
• Charge cards/debit cards
• Bank statements
• Proof of income

General Internet Safety

• Use private browsing or incognito mode when searching for help resources, shelters, or legal aid so history is not saved.
• Clear browsing history and cache if private browsing wasn’t used.
• Log out of accounts after each use on shared devices.
• Avoid using shared devices (such as the abuser’s phone/computer) when looking up sensitive information.
• Use public or safe computers (like at a library, community center, or a trusted friend’s device) when possible.

Email & Online Accounts

• Create a new, safe email account that your abuser does not know about.
• Use strong, unique passwords and avoid reusing ones your abuser might know.
• Enable two-factor authentication but avoid using a phone number the abuser has access to.
• Check account recovery options (backup emails, phone numbers, security questions) to ensure your abuser cannot reset your passwords.

Social Media Safety

• Tighten privacy settings on all platforms to control who sees posts.
• Avoid sharing real-time location (e.g., live check-ins, tagging location in photos).
• Review friend/follower lists and remove accounts you don’t trust.
• Be cautious with photos — images can reveal location or people you’re in contact with.
• Consider creating a separate profile for connecting with support networks safely.

Devices & Monitoring Risks

• Check for spyware or tracking apps — if you suspect monitoring, get help from a tech advocate (local domestic violence programs often provide this).
• Review phone settings for location-sharing apps (like Find My iPhone, Google Maps location sharing).
• Turn off Bluetooth & Wi-Fi when not in use.
• Factory reset may be necessary if surveillance is suspected, but do this only with support — it can alert an abuser.

Safe Communication

• Use secure messaging apps (Signal, WhatsApp) with end-to-end encryption.
• Consider a “safety phone” — a prepaid device the abuser doesn’t know about.
• Have a trusted contact who knows a code word/phrase you can use if in danger.
• Check call/text logs and delete if necessary (but only if safe — deletion may raise suspicion).

Planning & Support

• Know quick escape routes — many domestic violence websites have a “quick exit” button that redirects to a neutral page.
• Save important information offline (shelter numbers, lawyer contacts) in case you can’t get online.
• Contact Willow’s 24/7 hotline: (585) 222-SAFE (7233)